Jury Duty in ATHell Sucks Like a Hoover And Here's Why...

Hello my lovelies!

First off, a big CHEETAH DIVA CONGRATS TO LUPITA NYONG'O for her spectacular Oscar win for Best Supporting Actress in "12 Years A Slave."  A very impressive win for a very impressive young lady. Do your thing, girl!

Now that I have that out of the way, I'm going to rant about a couple of things in regards to ATHell, aka, Atlanta, GA.  Admittedly, it's not my favorite place in the world, but my kid's a nursing student and the j.o.b. is headquartered here so it's not like I can take flight and flee so leaving is not an option right now. Don't misunderstand - there are things about the place I'm very down with. I've grown very fond of Alpharetta, a north suburb not far from my j.o.b. It's accessible to everything I need, need to have, need to go, and the police have almost absolutely nothing to do.  If I become a world famous writer and sell gobs of books and get a movie deal, I'm Bali-bound!

But there are two things that pisses me off about ATHell: SucksField Jackass International Airport (oh my bad - Hartsfield Jackson International Airport) and the jury duty process.  I watched this movie, "Warm Bodies," where these zombies takes up residence at an airport and you see people shuffling around the terminal aimlessly, while others who apparently did a particular job have been doomed to keep doing that job - I swear they filmed that shit live at that horrible place.  "World's Busiest!" they love to brag but that's because it's so inefficient in that everything is done wrong or is ass backwards so you have to repeat shit over and over again.

(this is the part where I go off on a tangent because if you haven't noticed, the title of this blog entry is "Jury Duty in ATHell Sucks Like a Hoover and Here's Why..." I was gonna write the blog about the airport a few weeks ago but my brother had a stroke so I've been focused on that, but I had jury duty and it sprung up horrid memories of the airport so you get a twofer...but if you follow my blog, you should be used to this by now)

Anyhoo...

Case in point - on February 13, I was set to fly to Miami so I could work the Miami Boat Show for the j.o.b.  I've only been BEGGING to do that show for the entire eight years I've been employed there and this year I was finally invited. The days leading up to the trip were filled with ice/snow/rain or some weather drama.  Being from the Midwest, you get the hell up, go to school or work and you better the hell not be late.  Here in ATHell, they'll cancel Christmas. It was so bad at the first of February, two inches of snow actually shut the entire state down.  Georgia was the laughingstock of the entire world.  "We're the world's biggest, bestest, baddest, largest..." I think I explained this to you once before; you know, ATHell's hard on for out bigging everybody, except when stuff like two inches of snow happens, they fall apart.  Instead of infrastructure and real civic planning, ATHell would rather build a trolley. That's the difference between a progressive city and a podunk.  Learn the difference, Mr. Deal and Mr. Reed...okay??

So, I'm at the airport and I actually make it there in good time.  They made me check one of my carry ons but I got to the main terminal.  TSA...

...sorry...I cringed. My eye started twitching.  It wasn't a good day...

Anyhoo, at Sucksfield Jackass and it's a ridiculous process in that just about every airline uses the main terminal.  Do you know how many airlines are at that claptrap?  So everyone does this long meat puppet line into the same terminal, then you go through security, get x-rayed (thank goodness we didn't have to do the scanner that gives you ovarian cancer), and then you go to your terminal, in my case I had to go to Concourse T.

(mini tangent)

Why is it I never get Concourse A or B?  I always get something at the far end of the damn airport, like Concourse ZZZ87 or some shit like that! I always gotta run for a damn airplane!

Anyhoo...

So I head to Concourse T and there's a sign that leads to a revolving door. There's this jerk off talking to his side piece on a cell phone so he didn't say shit as I pointed up to the sign, and went through the revolving door.  Except it lead to south baggage claim.  He wouldn't let me go back through the door and none of the airport personnel were useful in that they kept asking me what happened but couldn't get me back through the door.  See...like the zombie movie.  The last person that came up to me and asked me what happened, I asked her can she get me back through the door and she said no.  I told her to suck it and get the fuck on then, bitch!  This is not really a good thing because TSA...

...shit...I cringed again...

...will tackle you and hold you for hours and days and shit.  Unfortunately, I had to do the main terminal thing all over again (in two inch boots, no less) so I went through this process with a Choke-A-Hoe look on my face. Even pissed off, I'm cute.

When I went back through the check through, the guy looked at my ticket and saw that I had been through it already. He looked at me like he wanted to say something but saw that look and just said, "thank you" and fortunately kept it moving.  I'm glad he didn't press the issue because I didn't want to cuss him out and end up in some dark, dank ATHell dungeon until next winter. Fortunately I made my flight by five minutes!

Notwithstanding I was worried about my brother, who by the way is doing fine and is at home now, I had a great time in South Beach...it looks good on me!

 So okay, the ATHell airport sucks a major fatty. This is my PSA for today.

Back on track, let's talk about jury duty.  I've always wanted to serve jury duty.  Stop laughing...I'm for real.  When I was living at home in St. Louis, they never called me until I moved to ATHell, so I couldn't serve at home.  About a year after I moved to the Bunion of the South, I got called and was actually excited...until I went.  I sat in a room for two days before we were finally told that the guy plead out and thank you for your service - get the hell out.

What a crock!  I never wanted to do that shit again.

Of course, never say never...I got called again.  Because we're in the technological revolution, you have to do the survey that they mail to you online...except the site never loaded.  I had to fill it out WITH AN ACTUAL INK PEN and take it to court. Who writes anything anymore??

Herein lies the drama.  Okay, the court is on Central Avenue, but there's no parking.  You have to drive to the Orange Lot at Turner Field to wait for a shuttle to pick you up.  Like, seriously...wtf??  Fucking podunk. I left home in pretty good time, got downtown and because Uncle Joe was in town (that's Joe Biden to all you teabillies), traffic (which is already dick) was ten times worse.  Normally I ride MARTA into the city because I hate the driving commute into the heart of ATHell but the last time I rode the train for a non-airport visit, some dude tried to motorboat my hair.

Don't ask me to explain that.  iCant.

So with the streets blocked off, I drove around for damn near an hour trying to find Turner Field and when I finally did, I was in the middle of enemy territory (you know...being of Cardinal Nation and all).  I parked my Divamobile and waited...in the cold.  Finally the shuttle came and carried us off to court where we had to go through security checkpoint, then get to the 7th floor, give our notice to the guy at the desk and...waited.  Waited some more. Waited some more.

Here's the really weird thing.  This judge came out to speak to all of us (this was a new one...can't remember this happening in 2002) and it was like a weird comedy show.  He explained the process, told jokes - I think they were jokes.  People were laughing but I think it was because they thought they'd score points because ole dude was about as funny as anal cancer. If he went to a comedy club with that shit, they'd throw eggs and lettuce on him and he'd deserve it. It was like watching Matlock do a Judy Tenuta act.  Remember her?  Yeah...me either.  In between moments, the clerks would call names for people to report to a court room. For all of ATHell's bragging and boasting about being World Class this, that or the other, the building was horribly antiquated.  They had one outlet plug, the building looked like it was built in the 60's and the furniture hadn't been changed since then. I swear - look at ATHell's skyline and it looks like a real city...visit the infrastructure and it's like stepping back to a time where there were signs for "Whites" and "Colored." Fortunately, I brought Cheris Hodge's "Love and War" along and started reading it.  Very good book so far.  Two and a half hours into this, I went to the break room to get a snack.  See, I did that stupid ass thing where I forget to eat before I leave home.  Yeah I know...shut up.  Then I went back to the juror waiting room and did just that.  The judge was still talking (nee, telling jokes).  I wanted to boo but they kinda funny here in ATHell and I aint trying to end up in a jail cell fighting to keep my virginity.

The jury duty process is crazy.  It's like it's designed to fuck with you and there's nothing you can do about it. Ole dude was very clear about, "if you don't show up, we'll fine you, jail you or both...but aint that funny?"

I was horrified.  

So anyhoo, about 11:40 or so, they called about 40 people's names and told them to go to lunch and come back at 1:00.  They were all happy and shit when they left.  Ten minutes later, the guy came back and told us if he call your name, thank you for your service and you can go.  My name was one that was called and I damn near knocked people over getting out.

Of course with street traffic totally messed up even with Uncle Joe's visit, the shuttle was 20 minutes late and it's cold outside, but I finally got out of there and made it back home some two hours later none the worse for wear.

I think serving jury duty is the responsibility of every person and I would certainly not shirk my responsibility in that regard.  It allows you to affect change and participate in the process of deciding if someone should get the chair or a big fat ass check from a truck accident.  The process in ATHell is a fundamental pain in the ass but asking them to change it would be beating your head against a rock.  The city leaders are too busy trying to build a trolley so priorities are a little bit off track. 

Well, it's late and I have to get prepared for work tomorrow, then I have more editing and writing to do, so I hope to talk to you all soon.

Ciao!

nnb

(Love you, Marc...get well soon.  Enjoy the book)