The Cheetah Diva 2017 Year In Review
Hello, my Lovelies!
Yes, I know...I last blogged in April. It sucks to have had an injury that affected my writing so much that I couldn't do any writing. Well, except for tweeting, I didn't do much writing. Tweeting, if anything, was a stress reliever. Who would have thought that 140 words could break so much tension? Then the tweet character count went up to 280 words! Suddenly, I could tell a whole story! The politics of 2017 actually drove the Twitterverse. It's been, uh, horrific, but I won't make my blog about it. I just can't.
So, moving right along...
So, moving right along...
The doctor told me that by year's end, I would be back to normal. It didn't really work that way. The muscles in my left thumb and hand were tight, and the hand would get very tired. My creative writing career ground to a halt. As much as I worked to exercise it, it was going to do whatever it was going to do and there was no point rushing it.
By December, I could withstand writing for longer periods. I slowly got back into it and by month's end, the "Immortal Anthologies" is almost complete. I was supposed to publish it last year, but I didn't like two of the stories and decided to rewrite them. Then, the catastrophically stupid thing that I did to injure the hand happened. You know what they say - what doesn't kills you, makes you stronger.
I'm actually proud of the way I handled the whole thing. As you know, I live with depression, and triggers can force me to spiral without me realizing it. This didn't happen and my black ass kept on truckin'.
That's not to say that the year didn't have its challenges. I still have ongoing issues (until I quit, retire, die or get fired - I know you read my social media. Deal with it.), I still have to deal with my depression, and I didn't vacation the way I wanted to. On top of that, I didn't go to St. Louis this year. Last year's trip was hell on earth, so as Charlene (my road dog) and I were planning it, we would get angry whenever we discussed it. By June, we made the painful decision not to go. Mom wasn't happy about it, but she understood.
It was a decision I would come to regret. Several family members and friends would pass away this Summer 2017, including my favorite Aunt Roz. If you remember, her son Phutah, was the inspiration behind "When You Die, You Go To Mississippi." I was so torn by her death that it damn near triggered the depression in me, but I stayed my hand and got through it. Auntie was an in-law but we in the Black community don't have in-laws; we are family, and she was my aunt even if my grandmother hadn't birthed her. She had a thing for Teddy Pendergrass back in the day and wore the sweetest nose ring in the history of ever. I loved the shape of her nose and how the ring sat on it. If I had to describe how she looked back in the day, it had to be the black version of Cher. She had a sweet disposition and it was devastating when Phutah passed on. She had two more children, Ebony and Nate, but she never recovered from the death of her first born.
Writing the book based on his short life and tragic death was a cleansing catharsis for her, and I was very proud that she allowed me to delve into her tragedy to immortalize him. She showed the book to her entire family and told me she hadn't mentioned his name in years; just his nickname "Rooster." The week that I had gone to St. Louis in 2016, she had a cousin who had passed away and was planning the funeral. I didn't know that week would be the last time I would ever see her. We talked on the phone several times, but her death from breast cancer was hard to deal with. This month, I got a nose ring in her honor. Almost every woman in my family has one, and even for a short time Charlene had one. She took it out one night, went to sleep without putting it back in, and the hole closed up on her. Fiddy bucks wasted...eh?
All of this had been difficult for my mom, who turned 71 this year and just a week after Aunt Roz passed on. Then, my cousin JR passed away. He had a heart attack and fell into a coma from which he didn't recover. On the Matriarchal lineage, there were 12 of us, and he was the 9th Cousin and the second to die (behind Phutah, the 8th). All of this happened around my Mom's birthday. It couldn't have been easy for her; watching her family and friends pass on.
We decided to cheer her up for her birthday. We waited (of course) for a few weeks until things settled down back home. She wanted a three piece luggage set for her birthday. Charlene and I sent her that, plus Bath and Body Works (Charlene's gift) and I sent Chanel perfume and some other stuff (no, not weed! She probably needed that more but you know...can't send dope through the mail!). I wanted to make sure she was smiling again. We were supposed to go to St. Louis for Thanksgiving, you know...since I blew off the summer trip, but you know how my life goes - I ended up with the flu and couldn't travel. I'm allergic to the flu shot so when I get it, I REALLY get it.
Oh well, there's always next year...
So anyhoo, this year was long, strange and downright surly in many ways. The current political landscape aside, a number of celebrity deaths affected me. Chester Bennington of Linkin Park's suicide tore me. Molested as a boy, bullied as a teen, Chester put his pain and anguish into his music, and for us the living, we're grateful for it. I would read people saying that those around him should have known and helped him. Here's the facts about this - no one could have saved Chester Bennington but Chester Bennington. It took the suicide of Chris Cornell of Soundgarten to trigger that hopelessness in Chester, and I know that feeling. Chester just couldn't find his way back from the darkness. I hope he has found peace in his next life and wish his family peace.
There were other notable deaths this year. David Cassidy, Bill Paxton, Della Reese, Fats Domino, Tom Petty, Ralphie May, mah Main Damie Nelsan Ellis (LaLa from True Blood). There were of course many more, and although the Reaper was busy this year, he wasn't nearly as prolific as he had been in 2016. You know...Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Maurice White, George Michael, Carrie Fisher...everybody got got in 2016!
One death has me at a crossroads; Chuck Berry. The King of Rock and Roll died on March 18, and I'm conflicted by how I feel about him. Yes, all the accolades tributes and accolades are well deserved for a pioneer of rock and roll. However, I'm from St. Louis; I remember the news stories that broke in the 80's regarding him videotaping women peeing in his Wentzville restaurant. To this day, I still turn off the lights in public restrooms and look through vents and in toilets just before going. Seriously...that was more than 30 years ago. That was first understanding of what a sex freak was. It blew my mind for real.
I still haven't recovered, by the way...
Anyhoo, this has been an empowering year for me. In the past, I allowed others to fight a battle for me, thinking that they were helping me, only to discover that they were only looking out for themselves. This year, I took control of my destiny. While I know that I'm dead ended in that regard (and I'm surprisingly okay with that), I have a renewed sense of strength. This was a year of vindication for me, and I'll admit that the tears of those who fell into the abyss nourished me. It doesn't stop me or slow me down, however. I can't wait to write the book someday. The fight continues and will do so until I can no longer speak. That pretty much means when I'm dead. Buckle up, mutha*BEEEEP*!
So, what's in store for me in 2018? Well, I would like to take vacations out of the country, as well as go home to Tha Lou and visit with my mother and family. I also figured out what was wrong with my website and fixed it. www.nilanbrown.com is back up so yay me! It's kinda basic right now, but I'll get into as the year unfolds and have it cute again. I also need to reactivate my official Facebook page. When I couldn't write, I closed it down. Eh? I'll get to that when I publish next month.
In addition to the writing, I'm also looking at side hustles. You see, a few years back, I went natural. Back in the day, all we had was Bergamont, Royal Crown and Afro Sheen. Hair care is more intricate today, so trying to navigate its murky waters finding new (i.e., expensive) products has proven to a pain in the butt. I found one product that I like, a whipped shea souffle in different scents, but the scents weren't strong and I wasn't sure if I was using the products correctly. I contacted the maker, but never received a response.
Okay, fine; be like that. I didn't get mad - I started researching online and found that I could DIY my own products. That got me thinking about other products that I could make and market. I'm pretty artsy-crafty, so I plan on ordering certain products, both hair care and home items, and see what I can put together. I've already ordered and received a small sample of essence oils; some of which I can't stand but others are decent. We'll work with this and see where it takes me. Hell, it couldn't hurt. There's money to be made!
January will come in like a lion for me. There's a lot going on, including the release of "The Immortal Anthologies" in late January/early February. I'll also do some product creating and testing. I hope to do more cons, including Blacktasicon in June here in Atlanta. I also look to writing a couple of novels this spring that I have storyboards going. This will pick up after "Immortal" is released.
I made it through another difficult year, and I'm grateful for the strength to push forward. I have no regrets. No, let me say this - frankly, I'm too old to be having difficult years. As I careen towards retirement, this shouldn't be so damn difficult. I'm actually very sick of it. It was implied to me that the only way I can make the hard times stop is if I get on my knees to people who think they're superior to me because of the color of their skin.
If you haven't figured out that this is not who I am, then you're not woke.
Writing the book based on his short life and tragic death was a cleansing catharsis for her, and I was very proud that she allowed me to delve into her tragedy to immortalize him. She showed the book to her entire family and told me she hadn't mentioned his name in years; just his nickname "Rooster." The week that I had gone to St. Louis in 2016, she had a cousin who had passed away and was planning the funeral. I didn't know that week would be the last time I would ever see her. We talked on the phone several times, but her death from breast cancer was hard to deal with. This month, I got a nose ring in her honor. Almost every woman in my family has one, and even for a short time Charlene had one. She took it out one night, went to sleep without putting it back in, and the hole closed up on her. Fiddy bucks wasted...eh?
All of this had been difficult for my mom, who turned 71 this year and just a week after Aunt Roz passed on. Then, my cousin JR passed away. He had a heart attack and fell into a coma from which he didn't recover. On the Matriarchal lineage, there were 12 of us, and he was the 9th Cousin and the second to die (behind Phutah, the 8th). All of this happened around my Mom's birthday. It couldn't have been easy for her; watching her family and friends pass on.
We decided to cheer her up for her birthday. We waited (of course) for a few weeks until things settled down back home. She wanted a three piece luggage set for her birthday. Charlene and I sent her that, plus Bath and Body Works (Charlene's gift) and I sent Chanel perfume and some other stuff (no, not weed! She probably needed that more but you know...can't send dope through the mail!). I wanted to make sure she was smiling again. We were supposed to go to St. Louis for Thanksgiving, you know...since I blew off the summer trip, but you know how my life goes - I ended up with the flu and couldn't travel. I'm allergic to the flu shot so when I get it, I REALLY get it.
Oh well, there's always next year...
So anyhoo, this year was long, strange and downright surly in many ways. The current political landscape aside, a number of celebrity deaths affected me. Chester Bennington of Linkin Park's suicide tore me. Molested as a boy, bullied as a teen, Chester put his pain and anguish into his music, and for us the living, we're grateful for it. I would read people saying that those around him should have known and helped him. Here's the facts about this - no one could have saved Chester Bennington but Chester Bennington. It took the suicide of Chris Cornell of Soundgarten to trigger that hopelessness in Chester, and I know that feeling. Chester just couldn't find his way back from the darkness. I hope he has found peace in his next life and wish his family peace.
There were other notable deaths this year. David Cassidy, Bill Paxton, Della Reese, Fats Domino, Tom Petty, Ralphie May, mah Main Damie Nelsan Ellis (LaLa from True Blood). There were of course many more, and although the Reaper was busy this year, he wasn't nearly as prolific as he had been in 2016. You know...Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Maurice White, George Michael, Carrie Fisher...everybody got got in 2016!
One death has me at a crossroads; Chuck Berry. The King of Rock and Roll died on March 18, and I'm conflicted by how I feel about him. Yes, all the accolades tributes and accolades are well deserved for a pioneer of rock and roll. However, I'm from St. Louis; I remember the news stories that broke in the 80's regarding him videotaping women peeing in his Wentzville restaurant. To this day, I still turn off the lights in public restrooms and look through vents and in toilets just before going. Seriously...that was more than 30 years ago. That was first understanding of what a sex freak was. It blew my mind for real.
I still haven't recovered, by the way...
Anyhoo, this has been an empowering year for me. In the past, I allowed others to fight a battle for me, thinking that they were helping me, only to discover that they were only looking out for themselves. This year, I took control of my destiny. While I know that I'm dead ended in that regard (and I'm surprisingly okay with that), I have a renewed sense of strength. This was a year of vindication for me, and I'll admit that the tears of those who fell into the abyss nourished me. It doesn't stop me or slow me down, however. I can't wait to write the book someday. The fight continues and will do so until I can no longer speak. That pretty much means when I'm dead. Buckle up, mutha*BEEEEP*!
So, what's in store for me in 2018? Well, I would like to take vacations out of the country, as well as go home to Tha Lou and visit with my mother and family. I also figured out what was wrong with my website and fixed it. www.nilanbrown.com is back up so yay me! It's kinda basic right now, but I'll get into as the year unfolds and have it cute again. I also need to reactivate my official Facebook page. When I couldn't write, I closed it down. Eh? I'll get to that when I publish next month.
In addition to the writing, I'm also looking at side hustles. You see, a few years back, I went natural. Back in the day, all we had was Bergamont, Royal Crown and Afro Sheen. Hair care is more intricate today, so trying to navigate its murky waters finding new (i.e., expensive) products has proven to a pain in the butt. I found one product that I like, a whipped shea souffle in different scents, but the scents weren't strong and I wasn't sure if I was using the products correctly. I contacted the maker, but never received a response.
Okay, fine; be like that. I didn't get mad - I started researching online and found that I could DIY my own products. That got me thinking about other products that I could make and market. I'm pretty artsy-crafty, so I plan on ordering certain products, both hair care and home items, and see what I can put together. I've already ordered and received a small sample of essence oils; some of which I can't stand but others are decent. We'll work with this and see where it takes me. Hell, it couldn't hurt. There's money to be made!
January will come in like a lion for me. There's a lot going on, including the release of "The Immortal Anthologies" in late January/early February. I'll also do some product creating and testing. I hope to do more cons, including Blacktasicon in June here in Atlanta. I also look to writing a couple of novels this spring that I have storyboards going. This will pick up after "Immortal" is released.
I made it through another difficult year, and I'm grateful for the strength to push forward. I have no regrets. No, let me say this - frankly, I'm too old to be having difficult years. As I careen towards retirement, this shouldn't be so damn difficult. I'm actually very sick of it. It was implied to me that the only way I can make the hard times stop is if I get on my knees to people who think they're superior to me because of the color of their skin.
If you haven't figured out that this is not who I am, then you're not woke.
In a nutshell, 2017 can eat shit and die. 2018 will be the year that I make my mark in this world. You will know who I am. Love me, or hate me...
...you will know me.
Ciao!
~me~
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