Life Lessons: My Road to Redemption from the Stupid Ways That I Fall Short As a Human Being

Come in closer, my lovelies.

It occurred to me that I could write my blogs about the world around me as I see it, or some celebrity, or snarking on whatever’s going on in the world, you know…like I do on Twitter on RHOA or Empire nights. What? I blow off steam that way, but sometimes, I fall short as a human being. I don’t need anyone to tell me; I know that I do. We all do because that’s how humanity rolls; I’m just willing to admit it out loud and in my writings. We look at people and situations without personalizing them, and in the process, we forget how fortunate we are. 

This is what I like to blog about the most. It helps me to put things in perspective.

Case in point, this Saturday (2/28/15), I woke up and did some laundry, and then harped about not having enough hangers for the ridiculous amount of clothes that I didn’t know I had.

I can’t tell – I’m always complaining I have nothing to wear. This is just me being extra.

Anyhoo, I was being an absolute diva about it, so after dropping Charlene off at work, I stopped and got more plastic hangers at Wally World, took a picture about their “falling prices” fail (posted to my Instagram), and bought three packs of 18 ct. hangers. Well, when I got home, they still weren’t enough. Basically, I made this my raison d’etre for the whole day.

I could have made this about that special time of the month, but since my lady parts surgery in 2013 canceled that excuse, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was being a total jerk.

I was picking Charlene up from work at 3:00 because we were going to Kroger’s to shop for things that we’ve been too lazy and/or busy to get. On the way to picking her up, I get this text message from her complaining about how she wishes she had a job closer to the new apartment, and just crabbing about her job in general. I pull over and tell her to be thankful she has a job and shut up about it.

Don’t text and drive, people.

Anyhoo, I pick her up, take the city streets all the way up Alpharetta Highway or Main Street – I’m never sure of the name of that street. Of course, I want to go to the one closer to her job in Roswell, but she makes this big campaign about going to the one near our new place. So I’m not in a good mood anyway,  the traffic was horrible, and I’m road raging. She’s ignoring me while on her cell phone. Normally, she's good at gauging my mood and knowing when I'm about to go full-tilt boogie, but today she was not having it and put me on ignore. It was like she was mentally thinking, "just shut up, old lady!" I’m crabbing at how she was supposed to buy a new phone cord and is using the one I have in my truck, so hurry up and get a new cord!

You know…stupid stuff.

We finally get to Kroger’s and instead of going to the entrance at the left turn onto Windward because I think the light is going to change, because having to wait a few more minutes for the light to turn green will just make me go all the way in, we go straight ahead and turn into the lot that has the dry cleaners and the doggy daycare or whatever. I’m huffing because there’s always a car blocking the street that we have to get around, and of course I’m driving a gas guzzling SUV, so I have to swing extra wide and know I'm probably going to piss off someone in the other lane. We’ll resort to blowing our horns at each other and/or flipping each other off. I’m just making my day suck monkey butt out of my own stubbornness. I make the turn onto the winding road leading to where I have to turn and find a parking space because you know – everyone is outside today and I’ll end up close to the fueling station.  

However, when I got to the bottom, I see a woman and a young girl with a gas can and a cardboard sign with the word “Help” on it. I’m thinking they ran out of gas, and as teed off as I am, I decided to pull over and give her a few bucks for gas. Idunno; maybe being nice will right correct my crummy mood or something. Yes, my lovelies - I've sunk into the Empire of Wicked Witchdom at this point. This is not me looking to be nice - this is me looking for a blessing, which is seriously not right.

When I got there, there were several other people standing there talking to her. It turns out she and her family were from Ohio and had been in Georgia for under a year, and every misfortune that could happen to them has happened. The husband hurt himself and is on disability, they lost their apartment and is living in a weekly rate hotel. They didn’t have much food and while she has a job that will start March 8, she was collecting money so they can pay for the room for her, her two daughters and injured husband, and they didn’t have much to eat. If they can’t keep the room, they would have to live in the older minivan that they were driving.

Well, aren’t I just the most awful person on Planet Rock? 

See, this is where the Diva falls short on being a human being. I rolled up on her in a funky mood, and this woman struggling to keep her family together. I went into Kroger’s and took $20.00 out of the machine and came back over and handed it to her, asking her what else I can do for her. She told us how embarrassed she felt and I told her it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all fall sometimes, but it’s about getting up and fighting on. The strength that she is showing is making its way to her daughters. I told her to never forget that and hang onto it. I dug into my wallet and gave her what little cash was in there. I just felt compelled by the fact that I wanted to do more, but couldn't.

A few other people came over, including a gentleman with a Romney sticker on the back of his truck and gave her money with tears in his eyes. As I continued to listen to her story, the daughter has her head down and I can hear her stomach  growling. I head back to the truck to tell Charlene that I’m going into Kroger’s to get them something from the hot plate. Another guy is right behind me and we have the same idea, but the hot food wasn’t ready, so we both head over to Chick-fil-A and both of us buy them enough food to eat and more to take home.

We head back over and by then, the police have come over. You see, it’s illegal to panhandle in Georgia and where they were was a hazard. The officer was nice about it and all, but he did very gently tell them that they had to leave. She was absolutely shocked to see that me and the guy had brought them hot food. If I Kroger’s had had their hot food ready, I would have brought them a whole chicken and sides. Heck, if I had really been thinking, I would have done some grocery shopping, but by then I was emotionally drained.

Then this other woman was talking to her and explained that this charity not far from where they were would provide them with four outfits apiece for free. She was like a kid at Christmas…

…and I dropped my head in shame.

Remember me? Hanger, clothes, closet, evil Crabby Patty disposition earlier? How could I fall so short as a human being? Here was someone grateful at the prospect of getting clothes from a charity, and I’m going in on about not having enough stupid plastic hangers for my stupid closet for my stupid clothing in my new stupid apartment.

I wish I could have done more and said more to her. I tried to be as encouraging as I could and prayed with her. Yeah, I know I’m a Buddhist.  Prayer is not a foreign concept to me, so we prayed. I told her daughter that there were chocolate chip cookies for her and her sister. She hugged me so hard that I thought I would burst into tears right there. Cookies. Just something basic as that brought her joy.

You know, I like to think of myself as someone who is a Work In Progress, but how is this working out for me? Not very good, I might add. I’m such a deficient person in so many ways. I used to do a lot of charity work, but I got so caught up in the drama that became my life that I put all else on hold. I had to out of necessity, but this incident reminded me that as bad as things can get, there’s someone else who is struggling from one moment to the next; never mind paycheck-to-paycheck. 

I’m thankful for what I have, the second chance at a writing career, and the opportunity to wake up every day and breathe the fresh air. It’s not enough to say that I have to do better as a person. I have to be a better person. So many emotions were swirling around in my head after that. I wish I had gotten her name. When I thought about it, they were gone, so we came home. I didn’t feel like shopping after that; buying Charlene dinner and going home to think about what it means to be grateful to have what I have. I’ve been in her position before; having to fight for the basics. It’s not a place that I’d like to find myself ever again, but sometime things happen and you just have to roll with it.

A friend told me that she was in the right place at the right time, and that I was destined to have that moment. I’m extremely grateful for it. It put me back into reality, and made me remember that we all fall short sometimes. Being less than zero would have been me continuing on to do whatever it was that I suddenly couldn’t remember what I was supposed to do, and pretending that I didn’t see them.

It doesn’t take courage to stand up and do something unselfish for someone else. It just takes being human.  It’s good to be reminded of this humble lesson.

Remember that the next time you see someone less fortunate than you.

Ciao for now, my lovelies.

~Me~